What’s Your Favorite Property Description?
Readers suggested a topic on real estate spin. “What’s your favorite property description or Realtor shill?”
Another, “‘Handyman Special.’ Usually used in conjunction with a house with MAJOR problems, being sold at a paltry discount to comps.”
And, “‘Pride of ownership.’ Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”
“‘Priced to sell’ and ‘Won’t last long.’ House has been on the market for greater than 6 months. NAR members should lose license if employing these terms after first month of listing. ”
One said, “‘New On Market’ and ‘Wont Last Long.’ Both are absolute nonsense.”
“‘Hurry!! Won’t Last!!!’ on a place that has 150+ DOM.”
The Washington Post. “Some real estate agents say that, despite key statistics that show the slowest housing market in years, they are seeing cases of multiple bids and rising prices. ‘I think the market is soft if you don’t price it right,’ said real estate agent Jane Fairweather in Bethesda.”
“‘You’re still seeing a lot of people buying when they see something as a fair deal to them,’ said real estate agent Ron Sitrin in Friendship Heights.”
“But not all agents have witnessed that confidence. Real estate agent Kristine Price in Chantilly, whose territory includes Prince William, Fairfax and Loudoun counties, said: ‘I’m getting more potential buyers at my open houses. Last year, at some of the open houses, I got zero. I’m getting a lot of traffic, but not getting a lot of offers on the table.’”
“‘When I talk to some buyers, they say, ‘Maybe I should wait a little and the prices will drop more.’ ‘I don’t think people are getting the asking prices,’ she said. ‘There’s definitely wiggle room for buyers.’”
“Other agents warn that padding a price can scare away the true suitors. ‘The problem is, if they price it too high, they can lose the buyers’ who would actually have been interested, said Robyn Burdett in Fairfax, who works in Fairfax, Loudoun and Prince William counties. ‘Those buyers won’t even look at the property,’ she said.”
“Jennifer Walker, a real estate agent in Alexandria who has sold some homes in Del Ray for more than the asking price, said the recent multiple bids she has seen bode well for sellers.”
“But she said the old days are gone. ‘I think definitely we’re not going to go back to a situation where we see people bidding $100,000 over the asking price,’ she said, ‘which was crazy in itself.’”
One I see a lot right now is ‘priced below appraisal.’ IMO, this only serves to put a highlight on how lousy appraisals are and how subjective pricing has become.
One that I don’t understand is ‘being sold immediately,’ even though it’s been in the paper for months.
“priced below appraisal”
And its close cousin “INSTANT EQUITY!”
Are we supposed to think, “wow, they are leaving money at the table, I’m so lucky!”
Unfortunately, it works on some buyers.
Yes, and the buyers who it works on, probably haven’t sold their first home yet.
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/rfs/333354851.html
Title: “$304900 Worth $404,900!” (Which, by the way, is completely weird as even at 304K it’s overpriced for the area)
$400K for a townhouse in Warrenton? $300k? WTF this is insane.
That reminds me of late night TV commercials for some cheaply made plastic widget that claims to be worth $100 but can be yours for $19.95. And if you call now, you get a second one free. The promoters are counting on people to not stop and think if anyone would actually pay $100 for that item.
This worked all the time with people who were renting apartments and promised 15-20% off “market prices” (ie, initial fantasy price of condo converter) if the renters stayed to buy the units when they were converted to condos. Usually, there was some requirement to stay for something like a year.
And it worked. People were thrilled to pay 25%+ more for living in the same dwelling at teaser rates and were just waiting for next year when they could sell and at a minimum get that 20% of the condo value as a profit.
And then here we are in next year or so and the “market price” wasn’t quite so market after all. And now they’re paying 50-100% more for the same place and can’t afford to sell their underwater condo.
Oopsie!
How about “Motivated Seller” when the price is still stuck in 2006.
Must be ‘motivated’ to seek out the GF.
Just once I’d like to see “unmotivated seller.”
I like “Sweat Equity.”
Zounds! Methinks they want to sell me a job?
Went into new development here in Stockton, I thought about 70 homes, NOPE 105!!!
The hungry sales lady had a beautiful line “Cosmopolitian low maintenance yards”,,,, these POS have no back yard. Your living room door opens to sidewalk!!!
These are 1,300sqft 5 bedroom 3 story homes starting at $300k =)
I have been through thousands and thousands of homes and these were by far the worst homes I have ever seen! They are so bad it was comical. Those seeking 5 bedrooms would be couples with kids and these POS have no yards!!!
“But she said the old days are gone. ‘I think definitely we’re not going to go back to a situation where we see people bidding $100,000 over the asking price,’ she said, ‘which was crazy in itself.’”
I would love to see a study on what percentage of homes that sold above asking price go into foreclosure. If you pay more than the asking price then you deserve to go broke.
Could you imagine walking into Macy’s and saying, “I know those pants say $79 but I would love to give you $99.” Panic buying should lead to bad things.
And on top of everything else a appraiser for a bank should of never” hit the mark”on those appraisal that went 100k above list price and recent comps . I saw on TV they were showing sellers/listings agents playing a game of underlisting to get a bidding war going . What if only one buyers comes in with a full price full term offer (on the underprice listing ).Than the seller is under contract to pay the commission and might get sued by the buyer for not really wanting the offer . (Believe me I saw it happen in my lifetime ).Realtors were playing a dangerous game with that ploy and it only caused the market to inflate (because buyers are stupid ). I thought 6% commission people where suppose to be protecting people from scams and legal problems not encouraging risky game playing .
I would love to see a study of how many agents told their clients they were “crazy” to bid $100k over asking.
Yes , that’s what really gets to me to mad-tiger ,but the realtors knew that the lenders would go on it ,(where in past lending cycles the lenders would make the buyers put more down if they overbid on a house ).
One always overpays in bidding wars like the ones that took place during the boom . I saw a women one time pay 150K over value and she thought she got a deal (this was years ago when 150k was alot of money )
And don’t think that RE agents did not have a hand in the pressure on appraisers and the information given to appraisers along with the blackballing mortgage scum in many of these cases .
When borrowers are thinking they are getting a objective appraisal they think the value is sound . This could be a real vunerable area regarding legal points .
It was real funny to me that when I bought my house the lender questioned why I got the property so low , and I put 50% down . I guess the lenders questioned low sales not high sales ,(and by the way I didn’t get the property low ).
NYCityBoy, what is so wrong with overpaying for pants? Haven’t you heard of buying with plastic? It’s no money down!
Panic buying is indicative of The End in all bubbles. We had it here (DC area) in spades at the end. It was really remarkable to watch - an awe to behold.
My favorite:
“A great investment”
This has been placed on 1/3 or so of listings, and only started getting popular in the last 3 years or so.
I remember a time when only investment properties (apartments, commercial RE) referred to themselves as a “great investment”.
Me too. But virtually every property has come to be seen as an investment due to rabid appreciation of the last few years.
I think the “great investment” chaps my hide more than any of the others. The last person I am going to take investment advice from is a realtor. They have desecrated the word.
Ding ding ding. We have a winner. Housing, renting or buying, is an expense. It comes with a million variables. It is to your life what buying a pizza oven is to a pizza joint. Yes, it can offer a huge return down the line but it also might go completely bust. A long-term CD is much closer to an investment than a house. Paying interest to somebody else is never an investment.
Have you noticed lately that the real estate ads have moved over to pushing ,”a great place to live ” line .Everybody is looking for end-users now and they are in short supply .
Amen. My clientele think I am doing them a favor. I know it is they who are doing me a favor. Well, that’s a nice business, where both the vendor and the customer feel like winnters.
Well, actually it can be. We sold our house in Lake Forest Park (north of Seattle) in mid-2004 with a profit of $300k and a return of 130% over 7 years, 18.6%. I didn’t buy it as an investment, but bought it because it was were we wanted to live and have our daughter go to school. Yes, I was paying interest on a loan, but, and this is probably the key, couldn’t have rented an equivalent place for the mortgage payment. So in my case, paying interest to somebody else WAS a good investment. I understand your point, but it’s too simplistic.
If I had taken home a poster advertising the Rolling Stones concert at a southern university in the 1960s, I’d have had a nice souvenir. Turns out, that poster would sell this year for $5,000 or $15,000 or something like that (Antiques Roadshow). I don’t think you could call that an investment, even if you had paid a couple of bucks for it. Good fortune and lucky timing are one thing. Studied timing and placement of money in something reliable as a long-term means of growing in value is something else. Being lucky doesn’t automatically make one brilliant any more than being unlucky makes one stupid. IMO.
If it was such a great investment…
…why would you sell it?
you’re not serious are you…
LOL!
~Misstrial
A great investment is my all time favorite. There is a flipper in my hood with a couple properties he hasn’t been able to unload for well over a year. He’s tried everything, a brand new Toyota, 40k cash back, rent to own and seller financing. He tried to rent one of his flips (the Hector street house) for 2500 in neighborhood where rents range from 1600 to 1800, 2000 max. He finally got a tenant paying 2000. The guy was marketing the house at $575,000 to $599,000 as a “great investment property” with a fantastic tenant who’d like to stay as long as they can. I’m thinkin’ “Yeah, buddy sure, I can see how well that’s working out for you!”
http://home101online.com/index.htm
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/rfs/332907591.html
You see “great starter home” a lot in LA, where the price is around 900K. Yeah, that’s a great place to start, swimmigng in debt.
“Pre-foreclosure, must sell now!”
In Florida this is currently nothing more than a gimmick to invite offers.
Most of the auctions advertised locally (signs at intersections) are blatant scams. You’d have to be a few IQ points short of ‘moron’ to think a sign at an intersection connotates anything other than fly-by-night.
“Must see inside” — ya think? I was just going to buy it based on the drive by.
And - of course - the oft-mentioned Craigslist claim that your purchase will net you “$60,000 [or some such number] in instant equity”
Also - there was the recent Craigslist entry from a couple weeks ago that almost challenged people to buy their house — saying, in effect, “why wait to see if prices go down further — you’ll be another year older if you wait”
BUT THE ABOSOLUTE #1 IN MY BOOK IS:
“Why throw away money on rent?”
How about “Not a drive-by”. I’ve seen this used from time to time. Ummm, sorry, but if I cannot get over the vomitous exterior, I’m certainly not going to be interested in the house no matter how nice the inside may be. Architecture and curb appeal cannot be ignored.
Rent: Be another year older, eat and live well.
Own: Be another year older and eat a big depreciation sandwich every day for lunch.
Why not throw in an interest only loan. Then your throwing money away on owning, too. Even more probably.
Oh great…I just saw that stupid mortgage ad of a video of those women dancing in front of their computers. (I guess they were dancing because they now “own” a home?) Trouble is, I saw it on the sidebar OF THBB!! Ben, have you sold out on us???
The game is up, Ben. We all know that you are just a member of the REIC. You are their O’Brien. You are collecting information on all of us renters and passing it to the NAR. And I thought you were part of the Brotherhood. You diabolical ba$tard.
Actually, I don’t think Ben has any control over those ads but the super-villain thing would be pretty darn funny.
“…I don’t think Ben has any control over those ads…”
They’re targeted by analysis/repetition of key nouns and verbs in the text of the client’s page. So anything related to housing, foreclosures, bankruptcy, etc. will trigger the posting of a related ad. Generally a smart move, but often pretty funny in the case of a blog that is contrarian relative to the ad content.
Those ads are money in Ben’s pocket, aren’t they? Good for him.
Now that I think about it, the name Ben Jones does sound fake! Fess up, you heathen!
A relative put a rental property up for sale in/around Pasadena.
Asked $775,000. Got four offers, one cash and another $10,000 over asking. Maybe it is different there but I hope they take the cash offer and get out while there’s still time. Something tells me they’ll be greedy though….hope they don’t get burned.
Yup, I’ve been tracking that area, inventory is up YOY, but it’s a tough nut to crack price wise. I’m *beginning* to think that it might take a housing/consumer lead recession to crack it fully.
I work mostly in the coastal areas and have done a few projects in Pasadena. It does have some ambience and character to it. I recently did a project near the Beverly Hills hotel on a Mc McMansion … very sweet area.
Curious about the Pasadena rental property. How many units? If only one, how much rent can they charge to support $775K price? Have lived in Pas paying a rent WAY too low to give anyone a positive cash flow … except that the actual owner had had the property a very, very long time. Low mortgage and very low property taxes.
az,
You’re right, they were somewhat negative cash flow. I asked them when they thought that would change and, if the market was dimming, why they would hang onto a negative cash flow, depreciating, property in an earthquake zone?
I believe it was 2 units, in good shape etc, etc. But still, amazed they got solid offers at and above asking, IMMEDIATELY….on a rental property that has ALWAYS been negative cash flow……….
Am I missing something here?
A condo tower I pass almost every day here in Australia has a billboard outside which starts with “There’s still time!”, and then goes on to say you can still buy from the developer.
There sure is still time. That sign’s been there 18 months now, although I believe they are now down to 2 or 3.
I’m also starting to see resale advertisements, where it is clear that the condo has never been inhabited. No big discounts yet, but no-one is listing for a significant appreciation and after 2 years “ownership” that’s got to HURT.
Another one that really makes me mad:
“SOLD!”
The problem is that unscrupulous developers are placing “sold” signs on vacant units, in the hopes of fooling buyers into buying into the remaining vacant units (”Gee, Maude, I used to think that they were overpriced, but *somebody* obviously thinks that they are worth the money, they already sold 2 of the last six they built”).
Smells of desperation, and least some of the buyers’ agents are disclosing this deception when they show the units…as well as telling the buyers how desperate the developers are becoming.
““SOLD!”
The problem is that unscrupulous developers are placing “sold” signs on vacant units, in the hopes of fooling buyers into buying into the remaining vacant units…”
Been seeing a lot of this myself. It really goes a long way to show how sleazy the whole industry has become. Lying, deceitful, shameless f-tards.
I saw one the other day that said “Gone” instead of “Sold” on top of the sign. It seemed to imply that if you were reading it, you were too late and missed out on the opportunity of a life time. The other one I hate is “wow!!!” on MLS listings. If it says “Wow”, I’m pretty sure it’s anything but amazing and I skip right over it.
This is on top of a For Sale realty sign, (at first glance it looks like those SOLD signs so it did catch my eye)
“AVAILABLE”
This is the text that is today on the Web site for The Wellesley condo in College Park (Orlando), Florida:
“Thank you for your interest in The Wellesley. Right now we’re in the process of building our Model Center at Edgewater and Vassar Street in Downtown College Park. As a Preferred Buyer registrant you are assured to be among the first for a private appointment to view the model center and obtain sales information for a home at The Wellesley. Please complete the information below to register.”
“…in the process of building…?” We visited that office almost three years ago. The line was, “We’ve sold most of the such and such units.” “But, this model is the only one we’d be interested in.” “Let me see…you know, I think there might be one of those coming back to us…I’ll call you.” Next day, “Great news! The type unit you asked about is available!”
I think condos epitomize the “fake sales” ploy, because the units are pretty close to fungible. No clue if these ever sold out, nor how many people bought in order to live in the place, but it was way overpriced and the condo fees were outrageous.
Ownership Society is my fav.
Ownership Society = Debtors Society
Where’s Will Rogers when you need him?
It is the Ownership Society. The big banks and corporations own us.
I channeled Will Rogers for you all…
“On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.”
“Interest rates will go up soon!”
Good, let them get to 15%, drop the price so that I (and all other buyers) can afford the payment, and then when rates go back down again I’ll refinance to the lower rates.
As people here have said many times, you can drop your interest rate when rates go down, but you can’t drop your loan amount owed when prices go down.
Agreed. I get that scare tactic all the time. My stock answer is, “I can always renegotiate the rate after purchase but not the price.”
If interest rates go up to 15%, I’ll do a little dance, wait another 6 months for the suicides to pop up in the news, and pay cash for a place to live the rest of my life.
If interest rates go up to 15%, we can ALL take the huge amounts we have managed to save by renting and put them in C.D.’S and RETiRE millionaires!
With the interest generated and compounded, we can live like kings. At that point, we can KEEP renting! We will just have many more options. - liz
No kidding, I wouldn’t even bother to buy a home, I would just rent and pay for it from the interest.
I think whenever something is advertised as “going fast!” “won’t last” it is a sure sign that the opposite is true. Whether a house, a car, or whatever.
Actually, I think “going fast” and “won’t last” is a referrence to the time before the bank forecloses.
“But she said the old days are gone. ‘I think definitely we’re not going to go back to a situation where we see people bidding $100,000 over the asking price,’ she said, ‘which was crazy in itself.’”
Crazy in itself? Too bad agents never said that during all those years of bidding wars. Pity all the schmucks who “scored” a house that way, i.e. most of the recent buyers in the Bay Area. And all the other bubble markets.
Yessum, that comment was shameless coming from a realtor.
My wife and I have been looking for a house in upper northwest DC… both houses we wanted to bid on went for more than $100K above asking with 6+ bids. The bubble is alive and well in some areas.
That certainly bodes well for the next bubble.
Beach cottages in the trashy part of Morro Bay CA are described as “charming”. They’d better be charming in the sense of “enchanting” or “bewitching” or “seductive”. Because nobody in his or her right mind would pay the price and expect to break even on the so-called “vacation rental”. Assuming 100% occupancy and no agency fee (?!!?), the price is still typically 30x annual rent AND the landlord is of course expected to provide all utilities.
But…but…but…Morro Bay (and Pismo) will be “the next Santa Barbara”…
Here is a “rare find” in Morro Bay; 1560 sq ft for only $2,650,000. This must be in the non-trashy part of MB:
http://realestate.nytimes.com/+Comshare/vulisting.asp?Lid=2712-10262241
Oh I know exactly what you are referring to, the worst (imo) being “quaint cottage” in Los Osos when the property is nothing more than a tear-down. Yes, “the next Santa Barbara” lol!
~Misstrial
“Great Location!”
If they put this in the ad, the location sucks.
Walking distance to the beach… 4-10 miles
Biking distance to the beach… 4-25 miles
“Waterview” subtends 5 to 10 degrees of your horizontal view and maybe 0.5 degrees vertically. Or else is seen through thick trees. Possibly a mud flat at most tidal phases.
Heck, I’m a cyclist. Biking to water could be 50 miles away for me!
”
Bob O’Toole, who works with the Melinda Estridge Group at Long & Foster in Bethesda, said he’s seeing high-end homes go for full price more often than those in the middle price range.
“When you’re looking at $800,000-plus, you find that some people want to be in a specific building and they won’t dicker with the price,” he said. “They know if they wait around it will be gone.”
”
Can this be true? People who want a particular $800k house buy it without negotiations even if they may believe it overpriced?
Hard to say. I have met my share of people who had more money than brains.
I have the luxury of lacking both. 
I have a colleague who lives in Bethesda (they bought a long time ago). She says she is seeing a lot of tear downs in her area. People pay $700K plus for the location, tear down the house and rebuild a much larger house on the lot.
The one that annoys me the most is surprisingly non-bubble related….
“In sought after neighborhood…” or the other variations using “sought”…
“desirable”
Pretentious-sounding “Offered at…” instead of “Asking price is…”
Unless, of course, it’s in Avondale.
A 2-bedroom condominium in a 1950’s building was advertised as “impress your clients.”
Well, actually, that one kind of makes sense. After all, impress does mean to imprison.
Phrases I’m seeing a lot are:
“Not a drive by” - Translation: House either looks like crap on the outside or is in an undesirable neighborhood.
“Motivated Sellers” - Translation: The sellers, at the advice of their agent, overpriced the house and it has been sitting so long that both they and the agent are starting to get desperate, yet clearly not motivated since their asking price is still to high.
“Great Bones” - Translation: You’re basically buying a shell that hasn’t been gutted yet.
“Emotional backyard” is a common phrase used by Realtors….. LOL
yeah, ‘emotional’….I keep on seeing that as well, maybe its an L.A thing?
…the only thing that’s going to make me ‘emotional’, is the price.
“Handyman’s special”
Tear it down and start over.
Seriously. Why don’t they just advertise it as land and offer to refund the tear down costs?
Interesting, there are so many property descriptions out there that annoy me, I could go on for days. One I saw that particulary annoyed me, “Get on the property ladder! Cozy, charming, unique starter home in a great location!”
Let me decipher this, after looking at many real estate listings, I might bring some truth to this description.
“cozy”-this house is very small. If you plan on starting a family, you’re children’s bedrooms will be a tent in the backyard (if the house comes with one).
“charming”-some part of the house, interior or exterior, is painted in some gawdawful color. The interior decoration probably hasn’t been updated since the original owners retired to the old folks’ home.
“unique”–this home has old and faulty wiring, plumbing, utilities, etc. that are a really a health hazard and will need to be replaced. The seller may even go on about how this home has “historic” fixtures and archetectural details so you won’t notice this.
“starter home”-this home is a piece of shit being peddled off to inexperienced first time buyers (often by older people who want to cash in on thier home and fund their retirement), and had a myriad of hidden problems. A smart person would usually never even consider this place as a rental for them to live in, much less buy.
“great location”–this house is close to a freeway or noisy intersection, and you will most likely hear heavy traffic 24/7.
And “get on the property ladder!”–go ahead, stretch for a crappy home you can’t really afford! You wouldn’t want to be left out of owning a home if there suddenly is a shortage of them, would you? Because owning an over priced piece of shit is better than nothing, even then renting! *insert sarcasm here*
LOL , so true .
Also another practice that was taking place during the boom was the double escrow scheme by the REIC . Sometimes sellers are stupid and they are willing to list low (the real estate agent will only show seller low listing comps ). So the real estate agent would buy the house (maybe by a straw buyer )and than market it at a higher real market price and close with another borrower by the close of the long escrow they set up .This practice put a lot of conflict of interest money in realtors pockets during the boom,( and lenders were sleeping on the job approving those deals( a double escrow is always a red flag ). Than the wonderful industry move over into inflating prices by the cash-back schemes .Many realtors were working to pad their own pockets knowing the lenders were corrupt or dumb.
NYC-add to that “Builder’s/developer’s dream!!!”.
In other words, its a teardown.
This seems to be very prevalent at the moment in Santa Monica here in LaLaLand. Still asking about $1.5 million for ‘Land Value Only’. Yeah,right.
Then, they crow on about the ‘development plans for a luxurious 4,500 sq ft tuscan villa’, normally to be shoehorned onto a 6,500 sq ft lot.
“Value is in the land!”
Bring your contractor!
contract panding”
to illegal w 450 fico and contingent
CHEAPER THAN NEW! these signs are always smack dab in the middle of develeloping projects, it must drive the builders crazy.
“Too Late” to hint that the home was under contract or had a contract pending. That was 6 months ago, for sale sign is still up, but the taunting “Too Late” is gone & hmmm its a different realtor now!!!!!
“Enjoy city living” in the Wilmington Delaware gentrification riverfront where there are legions of homeless beggars, crime run amok, everything closes at 5 and nothing is open on the weekend and you just do not want to walk around the area for fear of your life.
New lower Price!
same problem as last lower price-too high
They should just say, “Chasing the market down.”
When I look at the cheap, poorly build Mc-Crud-shacks and see the phrase “Won’t last long!’ I think - “no kidding!” They’ll probably fall apart within a few years.
McMansions: they’ll last long enough for your ARM to reset, and not a day longer! Hahaha!
Some other fun phrases include:
- “Great investment opportunity!” Which really means: “Horribly overpriced pile of crud that was somebody else’s failed investment opportunity. Maybe you’ll have better luck - or not!”
- “Waterfront property!” Here in Maryland, this means one of a couple of things: “Swampy tidal land on the Bay that is too muddy to launch a boat and will offer a chance for you to have swarms of mosquitoes in the summer” or “Close enough to deep water than when the next hurricane comes up the Bay your living room will be under 3 feet of water.”
- My varient variety on the above idea was back in 2003 and 2004 after hurricane Isabel marched up the Bay and dumped several feet of water into Baltimore City. For about a year afterwards, junk along the water was sold as “Survived Isabel!” Yeah, as in “It was underwater and now has horrible mold problems, but since it is still there it technically survived the storm.”
This is a fun thread!
McMansions: they’ll last long enough for your ARM to reset, and not a day longer! Hahaha!
too good
never thought about ARM resets coinciding with “newness” wearing off or wearing out.
That was funny.
“No need to preview” - What the F? Someone is going to buy sight unseen??
“$20,000 lower than Zillow” - no explanation needed
“Beach beautiful” “You’ll think you’re at the coast.” - both on a listing in, get this, FRESNO.
Oh my gawd!!! Beach beautiful in Frenso? That koolaid is getting pretty thick. They’re drinking it straight.
Oh, and for the one listed as “Beach beautiful”, they have changed the listing in the past week to say “LAST CHANCE TO BUY THIS SERENE Remodeled unit…Owner will make a commitment to rent out by 5/18″..What the F? You have GOT to buy the house now, or lose it forever because it will become a rental…
“You’ll think you’re at the coast.”
More like, you’ll WISH you were at the coast! Kool-aid is right, ain’t no way any section of the American coastline feels like Fresno in high summer. That’s out and out right fraud there.
“You’ll think you’re at the coast” is so incoherent that I can’t find anything sarcastic to say about it.
“The lowest price in the area”. It’s the house across the street. It used to say “priced to sale”. The owner is a realtor and he keep relisting the house without any takers.
Another comment that gets my nerve is “seller has found another home, must sell now”.
Oh and what about “as is”
The ads that get me are the ones that say “built in appliances included “,”landscaping just put in included “.’block walls included with home ,” “custom built -in window treatments included “. Anything that is attached to real property is considered real property and you would have to have a exclusion in the contract if you wanted to tear it out .
“In Escrow”, “Pending”, “Record Sale Price!”. Like I, a potential buyer, will be impressed by that last one.
Good old LA, still in denial. And plenty of idiots to pay the prices, thus, they are very sticky. Painfully sticky.
Another favorite, getting a realtor flyer crowing about their latest sale. and showing the original, wildly inflated, list price. Even though a little research shows it sold for 300K less than that! (but still way too much)
Honestly, and I’ve said this before, metro LA prices aren’t going down ’till buyers stop paying them. Lot’s of really stupid money in this town… Oh well…
Or what burns me is when you go to the realtor’s site and their listings all show “sold”. You go on zillow and they were sold at least two years ago…. whatever!!!!
After a quick scan of some listings this morning -
-Incredible view! (What you can see through the bars on the windows and the chain link fence)
-Beach close! (Said of properties 10+mi inland from the nearest beach)
-Poolsize yard or Tons of Potential (See Teardown)
-Light and bright / Bright and sunny (One window in the front gets some sunshine and doesn’t have neighbors staring back at you through it.)
-Unique Home(For example, an townhome or condo in a large, bland complex with 7 others just like it for sale. The description also tries to make it sound like a detached SFH instead.)
-Every inch of this home has been put to good use/ has been carefully used (You and your dog might fit, but forget about furniture.)
-Newer (As in ‘newer’ 15 year old roof)
-Incredible sunsets (Not directly visible, but they are out there somewhere)
-Multiple uses of WOW!!!! when there is nothing of note about a property.
-Motivated Seller!!!! (But not motivated enough to actually drop the price enough to where the property will sell. Exclamation points are cheaper.)
Good one SD
Virtually anything within 10 miles of Beverly Hills is of course…
“Beverly Hills Adjacent”
Koreatown is of course “Hancock Park adjacent.”
beverly hills adjacent. I was just on jury duty and this term was used. someone brought up how 100 blocks away from beverly hills would be beverly hills adjacent. I wish I could have asked where in the thomas guide that city was located. Also an expert witness, “Realtor”, was claiming that this area was more expensive than places near downtown LA. I kept thinking like Los Feliz where Brad Pitt and other movies stars live??? Thankfully the defense tore her apart.
Will look at all offers. (Means if the offer is close to their overinflated price they’ll look at it.)
Back on the market . (Means some moran who couldn’t afford to buy in the 1st place didn’t get his financing on this overpriced house.)
I saw one in the LA Times a few months ago that read, “buyer flaked on financing - bakc on market.” A little anger hidden in that comment?
Retro.
I like when they “Boast a retro kitchen.” But it’s the original rusty mint green metal kitchen from the 50’s, not a remodel/replacement retro.
Pet peeve, and I see it every other listing:
“Hugh” anything. That’s “huge”. Go back to first grade . . .
“Palladium” windows. Sure. right.
My favorite was an abbreviation. It said “Oversized Colon” for “Colonial”.
My favorite was an abbreviation. It said “Oversized Colon” for “Colonial”.
You got to have pic to convince me of this one.
Add “remolded” to the typo list! hehe
Here’s a nice one. Previously listed at $82,000. Owned by a real estate agent that was trying to flip it, but conveniently leaves that fact out of the listing. Also advertises her phone number in the listing against MLS rules.
http://www.homesdatabase.com/SM5506001
“Just missed last perk worth trying for mound, however get five beach privileges for only $28 per year lot is less than 5 min walk to water 202 327-1652 or 202 529-6957″
It is disclosed on that listing that she owns it. It’s under disclosures.
Agt/Fin Int.
Patch- is there an English translation available… I understood about one word in five of that description. Why should I be ‘trying for mound’? WTF?
Even the chinese are trying to reduce thier incidents of ‘Enrgish’ - we’re not setting much of an example judging by that Realtor’s description
There’s two kinds of septic tanks. The best one is completely inground. The mounds system is a huge mound that sits above ground level like a giant burm. A perc test decide if the property can absorb water to allow building on it.
The public doesn’t have access to those disclosures Mrincomestream, only people with access to the MLS.
A few months back I made the mistake of popping into an FSBO open house offered by a Korean lady. Her fliers were cheaply done, in ‘Engrish’, and her dream price was wildly out of touch with reality. She did not appreciate my attempt to point this out to her. A Korean friend of mine once said the worst thing an Asian can call you is “Number Ten” - he was in error.
I can’t believe that no one’s mentioned the classic:
“Seller will entertain offers between $X - $Y”.
My poor, battered, laptop does yet another titanium frizbee impresssion every time I read that.
Happily, sellers in L.A seem to be doing that less and less these days, thereby guaranteeing another year of life for my Powerbook….
You took the words out my mouth… (a broken Pismo is my proof)
I saw my first sign twirler, this afternoon at the main intersection in Cottonwood, Arizona. Wow.
“newly FSBO - no realtors involved!”
translated: “6% puts us in over our heads, and we have no savings…but look at our 60″ tv!”
Curb Appeal…
An appealing curb?
No, it means they will make appeals at curbside.
snabs - you are in fine form today!
~Misstrial
Thank you, kindly. However, I must confess that I did receive my copy of “Are You Missing the Real Estate Boom” today… David, I love you.
Or:
AYM TREB
One I like is: “[Insert your town here] for $XXX per sqaure foot.” As if buying in bulk makes it a better deal like Costco…
One I like is: “[Insert your town here] for $XXX per square foot.” As if buying in bulk makes it a better deal like Costco…
I like this one: “[Insert your town here] for $XXX per sqaure foot.” As if buying in bulk somehow makes it a better deal like Costco…
A gaudy, faux-English MacManor in today’s real estate section was advertised breathlessly as having “storybook charm.” Retch….
http://www.homesdatabase.com/FQ6244874
This one I love. There’s an old house, not worth repairing, no septic, and yet TENANTS are living there.
“Comments: REDUCED PRICE!! BUY NOW!! ****SECLUDED 3 ACRE LOT****NICE AREA****MOSTLY CLEARED & OFFERS LOTS OF POTENTIAL****THERE IS AN OLD HOUSE (NO VALUE) WHICH HAS MONTH TO MONTH TENANTS (DO NOT DISTURB)****HOUSE NOT WORTH REPAIRING****OLD CAMPER TRAILER (NO VALUE) ONCE USED AS LIVING QUARTERS****THERE IS NO SEPTIC FIELD****ALL SOIL STUDYS ARE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PURCHASER****ALL CONTRACTS CONSIDERED”
This is a great discussion. I’ve been laughing all morning. Here’s my contribution.
In our very hilly neighborhood, there’s a new listing for a pretty nice looking house with a great view, on top of a hill. But there is no parking off-street. You have to walk up a little path carved into a cliff to get to the house, which is at least 80 steps up from the street. Oops.
Realtor teaser copy reads: “Potential to add offstreet parking and easy access.” Of course, the very word POTENTIAL set my teeth on edge immediately, but I walked around the property to see where the potential might lie. I figured it out: you use DYNAMITE to blow a giant HOLE in the cliff for a ONE CAR garage, assuming an engineer can figure out how to do so safely. Then you add a CABLE CAR from the cliff face next to the garage, up to an outside concrete pad you pour about twenty feet from the house’s front door. This POTENTIAL will set you back at least seventy grand to exploit, assuming you could get the city’s permission to try it.
Most realtor copy is pretty easy to parse (’cosy’ = tiny, ‘charming’ = not updated in 40 years, ‘Tuscan’ = grotesquely overbuilt) but this one took awhile to figure out. Bravo!
if it wasnt done when they built in the hill, somehow i doubt its going to be able to be built later on. what people are thinking of some of these homes, i have no idea. but imagine the houses with only street parking where each side of the street you cant park on a certain day for street cleaning. you actually could not park at home for a 1 week vacation. how lame is that.
I have seen a house I once lived in as a kid where a garage was created after we moved exactly as Barry describes (no cable car though). This is in Western Scotland, so the rock would have been granite and drilling the holes for the explosives no fun at all.
Medium steep slope rather than an actual cliff, but still about 40 steps to the front door. The front garden was a succession of little terraced lawns and retaining walls, quite pleasant actually and once you got to house level a heck of a view.
In Bay Area CA, when the ad said the house is cute, that means the house is small (~1100 sq ft).
Here’s my all time fave: “OWNER SAYS SELL!” Like, duh!
One I don’t see much anymore but saw a lot before the bubble was “Mrs. Clean Lives Here”.
My favorite has always been “Use your imagination with this quaint little charmer.” Let’s see, I’m imagining a bulldozer…
-Intimate (describing a pool that fills a back yard so completely that you can barely step outside the sliding glass door without falling into it)
-Wonderful new ____! Just like a new home! (I’d hate to see what shabby or old looks like)
-ALL CAPS. JUST PUT IN NEW LANDSCAPING IN BACKYARD! LookS GREAT! HAVE PICTURES, email to see! (I had to shoot a strip of sod in the back yard with a pot of daisies next to it with a macro lens.)
Where is all this landscaping supposed to go??
http://tinyurl.com/2vj6ao
Listing
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/rfs/334410080.html
The one phrase I think is the dumbest of all:
“Priced to sell!” - Well, duh. Was it priced to sit around and make buyers laugh…
I saw one today where the ad touted an alarm in the Highland park area of LA. Made me laugh. Yes, an alarm can be useful when you’re in a gang-infested area.
Prices are and should be plunging outside the Beltway, but inside things are firm in Arlington, DC and Rockthesda etc.
Maybe its the gasoline prices, congestion … dunno
Yeah I know, its depressing. Must be all those singles making tons of money to buy the thousands of 700 sq ft 300K+ condos in this area. Just doesn’t make sense?
Dunno how “firm” things are in Arlington. I’m near the south-east tip of Arlington, there are a couple houses in the neighborhood that have been firm at just under $700k for over a year now. (On the other hand, a nicer house that is closer to Metro/shopping/etc just went on the market for $619k about a month ago.)
Saw a condo listing in the Kansas City Star with very little info on the unit, but mentioned it was near a “babbling brook” Come on now. Here it is.
Altamira Condos u Babbling Brook and Walking Trails u Watch the Deer in the Meadows u Peaceful secure living u Luxury condo with many upgrades u A Place to Live and Play and still get away u Rich attention to details from gated entrance to the views from your balcony u Only 10 left, Starting at $259,900
Probably translated, meaning (Only 10 of 10 left better hurry!)