A Christmas Story For These Trouble Times
As the Solstice draws nigh and the winds grow bitter, I recall a conversation I had last year with my dear friend, Mrs. Miller. An ex-Carmelite nun now well into her 70’s, this remarkable woman has done everything from a stint as Bob Hope’s social secretary to founding what became an uber-exclusive private school in Westside LA. Like many of us, she escaped the crush of humanity in the city for the more expansive solitude of the countryside. Unlike many of us, she has taken her early religious vows seriously—and kept them faithfully throughout her life.
When she was my son’s fifth-grade teacher at our little local K-8 school, she had the kids transform their drab classroom into a pharaoh’s tomb for the semester while they studied Ancient Egypt. Gauze-wrapped dolls became mummies. The kids made cardboard crowns, milk-bottle amphorae, a labyrinthine maze. The classroom was remarkable, magical, history come-to-life; or in this case, a splendid imperial death. The 10-year-olds in this little country schoolhouse were enthralled, but some of their parents, alas, were not.
Our local school board had her removed for teaching the children “Satan worship”; ancient myths apparently threatening the evangelical mythology of the local board members. In disgust, she and her husband sold their few remaining worldly possessions, bought an old pickup truck and started a mission.
Every morning they get up, pack the truck full of donated bottles of juice and water, toothbrushes, clean socks, stationary and stamps, seasonal clothing. Then they drive into the Central Valley and make the rounds of the underpasses, the orchards and fields along the highways, the railroad tracks and parish parking lots, to bring supplies to the “blessed ones” (as she calls her flock,) who make their homes in America’s hidden places. When they are not bringing comfort, writing letters or delivering medicines, they are begging, cajoling local citizens and merchants for donations.
They have done this for the last twelve years.
Some of Mrs. Miller’s blessed ones have been living in their respective spots for years, while some are literally only a few days from death. Many are veterans of our military incursions into Iraq, or druggies in the last stages of HIV/AIDS. More than a few have a history of violence. She and her husband know and love them all, caring for them as they would their own children. More than any other people I know, these two live an authentically Christian life of poverty and service to the poor and the needy. Whenever I can, I stuff an envelope with whatever loose currency is hanging around my house and sneak it into their big rural mailbox out on the creek road. Although I do so anonymously, we both know I’m not fooling anybody, and I finally had to ask her to please stop writing me thank you notes—and save the stamps for her ministry.
Last year at Christmas time, as I struggled to come to grips with my newly disfiguring injuries, Mrs. Miller sent me a lovely card of encouragement with $25 in cash tucked inside. I, of course, sent it right back to her, along with a note telling her I would sooner gnaw off my own elbows (a improbability only compounded by my lack of teeth,) than take a penny from her mission. That’s why she had called.
She told me her blessed ones had been so worried about me after hearing of the bear attack, that they got together and took up a collection. For ME! And that these dear desperate, appallingly-deprived people had been praying for me, the godless humanist, and for my swift recovery.
Well. That was humbling. For a few moments I sat there stunned.
Then I hung up the phone, looked out onto my enormously self-indulgent rose garden, still blooming in spite of the winter’s first snow, and I wept for a good long while.
For myself? For the compassion of the downtrodden? For the cruel cosmic irony of it all?
Who can truly know these things? All I did know was that the tears I’d been holding back for months were finally spilling over in one cathartic rush of self-pity, and that I would never ever again doubt the human capacity for self-delusion. All this time I’d been thinking they were the ones whose lives had been irrevocably screwed up….
I went back inside and put another log on the fire.
Dear HBB, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s c-c-cold out these days. Even holed-up here inside my cozy little house, snug in a turtleneck and sweater in front of the fireplace, it’s cold. As reduced as my circumstances may be at the moment, I’m still hugely grateful for walls against the winter winds and the miracle of hot water on tap. As we relax in our leather recliners, TV remotes in hand, it’s all-too easy to forget that what most of us consider simple necessities, are amenities beyond the reach of nearly a million Americans—with an estimated 1.5 million more expected to join them in the next two years.
Imagine for a moment that your life has gone horribly wrong. Whether for reasons of your own stupidity or of malicious fate, your house is history, your family, long-since abandoned. Your car is dead, you’ve got medical problems that you can’t get fixed and now you find yourself camped out in an orchard along Hwy 58 in this awful rotten weather. Or freezing behind a dumpster in a parking lot. Or huddled in a cardboard nest under an overpass with the icy mud dripping onto your bedding. Don’t think it can’t happen to you, because it can–faster than you can possibly imagine. Not all the folks who find themselves homeless “had it coming.” Sometimes life just works out that way.
As we prepare for holidays with our friends and our families at hand, please consider gathering up your spare stash…those crumpled ones and fives lying around the house, that leftover savings account that’s just sitting there doing nothing because you haven’t closed it out; or maybe the contents of your coin jar…and sending it to this saintly woman? Mrs. Miller is out there right now seeking out the most miserable among us to offer a warm coat, some dry socks, a pair of mittens for bleeding fingers, maybe a blanket and a high-energy snack, life-saving medicines donated by sympathetic clinics, and always a kind word. Maybe you don’t agree with what she’s doing—not everyone believes that the wretched among us should be sustained—and she is frequently harassed by county officials who would rather “those people” just move on to someone else’s jurisdiction and be gone for good.
But Mrs. Miller is our conscience, and if for no other reason than that, she deserves our pittance-if not our whole Christmas kitty. If you are in a position to help, please consider doing so? Thanks so much.
Mrs. Miller. c/o General Delivery. Sand Canyon, Caliente, CA. 93518
I’ll be taking a break for a few weeks while I undergo this next surgery. Be back as soon as I can.
ahansen
Well, I put in an offer on a house yesterday. I’m feeling reasonably good about it, just a little nervous about the whole process. It’s a foreclosure (already bank owned) in Palm Beach Gardens, shallow water (you can get a small boat (up to 24′) in/docked and get to the ocean, in a reasonably established community. 3000 sq/ft (under air), 4000/sqft (total, large garage). Bank is asking 359, I offered 330. Needs about 30-50K of work (new floors are the biggie).
Anyway, let it fly, tell me if I’m out of my mind or not. I’m really looking for opinions. One thing that scares me is that it’s already the most expensive house in the community, if we rehab it, it will be, by far, the biggest and most expensive house in the community (there’s only a few waterfront lots, and this house is already the biggest one on the best lot). Also, I’m a little worried about the work to fix it (I’m not the least bit handy, and will have to rely on contractors for everything, which, is always a little scary).
Loan approval @4.875%. That’s insanity, I cannot believe how low that is (but only if you can put down 20%, if you go FHA or non-conforming, the price jumps up quite a bit).
Thanks for the comments and help/suggestions (and sorry for posting off topic, I just didn’t get a moment to post until the BB was already 150 comments deep).
Can you afford it? (with taxes, upkeep, utilities, etc.)
Do you have a 12 month emergency fund?
Can you afford the “fixing up?”
If prices drop another 20% - what would you do?
Are you buying to live in or for an investment?
————
Bottom line - if you can afford it (not streching every month), love it and want to live in it for years then you should be OK.
Excellent questions 2 Banana!!!….Those should be part of any realtors disclosure forms when dealing with would be home buyers.
So should this graph (previously posted but well worth checking out)
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_eB31NsfANe8/SvG0uNoAn4I/AAAAAAAABBQ/U_FsTKXJdPE/s1600-h/091104+recast+timeline.jpg
Those are exactly the questions that I ask myself. Yes, I think I can afford it, the net payment is less than my rent today (after tax deductions, before it’s about 10% more). Yes, I have an emergency fund, but, to be frank, it wouldn’t cover a full year, probably more like 6 months. However, I’m a DINK, and either of our salaries alone would carry all the fixed costs (house/cars/etc).
Yeah, I can afford the repairs/upgrades, but that’s why my emergency fund is taking a beating; I’m putting 20% down and then, on top of that, another 30-50K into the house, which is a total cash outlay >100K. I may scale back and only do the really disruptive upgrades before we move in (the floors are the biggie, that’s the one that’s a real nightmare if you already live in the house).
LOL, come on now. I’ve been a poster here for a long enough period of time that I think I’ve learned the stupidity of buying houses for an “investment”. I’m hoping to be in this place for 10+ years, and really, as long as I could sell it for what I’m buying it for today, I really wouldn’t care very much. Although, to be honest, I’m afraid of inflation which is also helping to push me in the “buy now” direction. I really think that the Fed has created way too much money, and, while I don’t think it’s going to push directly into RE (as it did in 2000), I am afraid that if we get wage inflation the value of my savings would take a significant hit.
Thanks for the good questions; and please, let me know if you think I’m nuts (I’m a big boy and I can take it). I didn’t post this up to get a bunch of “ad-a boys”, but to check my thought processes.
Throwing in one’s “emergency fund” on a bet? Better to call it your gambling kitty.
Your odds of making a winning call are somewhat discounted by where you posted this exhuberant self absorbed topic.
“discounted by where you posted this exhuberant self absorbed topic”
Maybe he thought he hit Bits… I’ve done that a few times. Hell, I’ve posted on the wrong day before!
He is making one of the largest purchasing decisions. Asking for help from fellow hbb is okay especially on the blog topic which is all about helping some one. Let’s help him with good advice.
Hi Michael.
Your mortgage payment will be between $1300-1400. Insurance? Property taxes? HOA? If that is less than what you’re paying now for rent you should be OK.
ahansen: My thoughts are with you.
If you have an inspection contingency - and if you don’t then by all means walk.
But, if you do - schedule three contractors around the same time of the inspection, one after another to get an idea of costs to do the work. Then double/triple the estimates and double the construction time. This will give you a good idea of actual costs of repairs/remodeling.
Generally you don’t want to buy the largest/best house in any neighborhood. The other houses will bring the value of yours down. Rule of thumb is to buy the worst house in the best neigborhood you can afford.
Good points all. But I could imagine a situation (eg one of only a few waterfront houses) where buying the nicer home may work out- although ‘biggest and most expensive by far’ sounds a little worrisome. A well-established neighborhood (do they exist in Florida anymore?), even if it is mostly of smaller houses, would be key.
Don’t assume you can’t become handy doing things around the house.
A good friend of mine, a college professor in ancient history who considers himself very inept at manual tasks, was able to install his own hardwood floors with some coaching from a handier buddy.
He not only saved a ton of money, he finally learned about the satisfaction of actually “making” something.
On the flip side, beware of those who think a degree or job experience in something technical makes them qualified to remodel a house.
If I had $1,000 for each person I knew who thought that their technical college degree made them qualified to rewire a house, pour foundations, weld plumbing, etc. and who ended up with home repair jobs that dragged on for years, ate up all their free time, and ended up costing no less than hiring a professional (once one factors in the lost time), I could buy a Bubble-price house with ease!
I don’t have any comment about you buying the house per se, but given I am a saltwater fishing fanatic, can I park my boat in your backyard dock?
Most useful comment of the day!
Sure, you can park it there, just leave the keys on the kitchen counter when you’re heading back to your place.
I’d add: And a tankfull of gas.
Other notable house purchases: John Edwards (D NC) buys 565k house for plaything, and mother of his child in Charlotte, NC.
Nice how generous Mr. Edwards (elitist socialist “for the downtrodden”) is to his plaything. Now what is Mr. Edwards giving his wife, who is suffering from cancer?
The show is about to start and I would have recommended you to buy some popcorn. Just ask yourself how you would feel in a year or two to find out you could have done much better. Patience in will be rewarded handsomely this time around. Please ask combo? Cash is king and will remain king for some time. This house when all is said and done will cost you about 400K. How big is it? What are you paying per square ft?. Why did you not insult the realtor and the bank by offering much less? The bank will be stupid not to counter or take your offer. If you do get the house I recommend that we appoint you the chairmen of the next hbb party and hold it in your new crib. You supply the beer and we will bring the ice and women.
Thank you Ahensen for a very touchy post.
Dear ahansen, many blessings to you. You are an amazing writer, with a broad perspective and deep compassion. Know that I am thinking of you, sending you blessings and best wishes for a speedy recovery. I don’t know any other ‘regular’ people who inspire as great an outpouring of support and well wishes as you do. Take heart.
If you think you are out of your mind you are:)
A thoughtful post… good luck with the surgery.
Seconded.
Good luck with the surgery A. I’ll be thinking about you, you Godless humanist. You’re one of the best.
Silverback already said the stuff I’d like to say.
Nice Post. $50 on the way. Good luck with your next round of surgery.
ahansen, it sounds like the gift from Mrs. Miller and her less fortunate flock had a profound and liberating impact on you. Glad you got the tears out. It takes more than physical recovery to complete the healing.
Jingle,
I’ll match and raise your contribution.
Ahansen - great story and I tend to give only where I think the gift will provide a real and direct benefit. Please heal quickly. Can you confirm if I mail to this address that it will result in an actual delivery?
Mrs. Miller. c/o General Delivery. Sand Canyon, Caliente, CA. 93518
Yes, it will.
Thank you so much for your good heart, Carnage, and to all who have been moved to help this quiet hero.
Our local school board had her removed for teaching the children “Satan worship”; ancient myths apparently threatening the evangelical mythology of the local board members.
Why do I think there is much more to this part of the story?
Actually, much less. This is a very small (<1000) inbred community and the school was essentially run by one family of evangelicals and their church. Ten commandments pasted on the doors to the bathroom stalls, kids selling candy to “save the unborn babies,” etc. Egyptology didn’t jibe, nor did this teacher’s more catholic outlook. When told she couldn’t teach it as part of the curriculum she just took a principled stand and quit.
So - was she “removed” by the school board or did she quit?
Plenty of people have jobs where the boss has said “my way or the highway” - doesn’t mean you quit everytime.
Who’s saying she “quit everytime”?
Most likely she was given an ultimatum. Might she have been able to fight such an ultimatum? Maybe. But it sounds like she chose to find a new ministry of her own.
It is touching when those we see as society’s dregs and rejects can find it in their hearts to be aware of our own suffering.
When the bosses demands are to stop teaching world history to 5th graders, I’d say quitting is a principled stand. Unfortunate for the next group of 5th graders, but I’m not sure that the alternative - keep teaching until getting fired and fighting the dismissal would have helped much.
And it would have bankrupted the school district.
I’m amazed that you couldn’t talk about the Egyptians, seeing that they’re central to the story in the Jewish bible!
It was a great story, though. It really helps us see how screwed up our priorities can become.
Didn’t the egyptians save Jesus from an early death?
If you’re a trucker, your way is the highway.
I do agree with your statement, “My way or the highway.”
I knew a person who had to do some of the dirty work. The firing. And the reasons for the firings were sometimes minor and trivial. Naturally, upper management didn’t have the b***s to do the firing.
The level of psychological and mental abuse workers are subjected to is unreal. Not only from upper management but from some of the co-workers, too.
“9 to 5″ is one of my favorite movies. There’s a segment in the movie where a co-worker sits on a toilet seat to hear the bad-mouth gossip about upper management, and then the co-worker reports what she heard to the boss.
We may like to think that this kind of stuff doesn’t happen in the workplace, but it does.
I’ve heard much worse than this type of s**t.
“Plenty of people have jobs where the boss has said “my way or the highway” - doesn’t mean you quit everytime.”
Sounds like quiting the job was the small event. She changed her life.
This is a very small (<1000) inbred community and the school was essentially run by one family of evangelicals and their church.
Same thing happened in the community where a close friend lived. Note that I say “lived.” She left that place.
BTW, what ahansen describes above is all part of the evangelicals’ plan to take over this country. If you’d like an idea of what they have in mind, read Margaret Atwood’s book, The Handmaid’s Tale. Or visit Afghanistan or Iran.
Slim: I loved that book! When I look at where women have gone since the so-called womens’ lib movement it makes me very sad. How did we end up worse than we started with push up bras spanx (girdles), all the crazy plastic surgery, hair extension, etc. And all so twisted into some sort of bizzaro world post feminism - because they supposedly do it for themselves voluntarily. Women desperate for attention, not because of achievement, but because of how they look or who they did. I still remember a small point in time where it actually seemed like many women wanted to be valued for their talents and achievements and found it insulting to be gawked at. Handmaid’s tale seems so much more likely now than it did when it first came out. Just all seems so sad.
I think you’re disregarding the fact that men care about looks, too. Many young men spend hours at the gym to enhance their abs and biceps.
Babies know who’s good-looking and who’s not. They respond more positively to better-looking people. So from an early age in school, self-esteem is partly linked to beauty and good-looks.
Richard Nixon refused to wear makeup in the 1960 presidential debates. And that’s one of the reasons he lost the election.
The world simply revolves around beauty and good-looks. And it’s been that way for 250,000 years. Men and women are seeking the best genes in the gene pool.
Due to womens’ lib, women are no longer barefoot and pregnant. Many women earn good money and these college educated women have high standards when it comes to marriage material. Consequently, some men who were marriage material 50-years ago are no longer marriage material today.
Cherchez les hommes.
Sounds like the kind of nitwits that would hold a book burning for Harry Potter.
Exactly. And Harry Potter is just one of a myriad things that honks them off.
Sounds like the kind of nitwits that would….
Be the President of a HOA…..and terrorize it’s sheep.
What these evangelicals can’t get through their thick heads, is that by muddying the church-state dividing line, by trying to impose evangelical Christianity, they make it possible for Sharia law to be imposed in Muslim majority communities sometime down the road. (PC disclaimer: Not saying that it would be good or bad…..)
I long for the good old days, when everyone kept their religious beliefs to themselves, and minded their own business.
I’m of the opinion that the celebration of Christmas, or any observance of a religious celebration, has no place in the public school system.
Evangelicals must realize that their right-of-center, almost cultish beliefs, are turning a lot of people off.
I always found it a bit interesting that no one has challenged Christmas day being a Federal Holiday.
That would get folks’ shorts in a knot.
I’m not advocating that, I personally don’t have any problems with Christmas celebrations, but it would be a lively debate.
Someone should challenge Christmas as being a Federal Holiday. I guess I won’t do it, though. LOL!
At least change the date. LOL! Make it in the summer. Jesus was not born on December 25.
At least change the date. LOL! Make it in the summer. Jesus was not born on December 25
That’s the beautiful irony of it all. It’s really a pagan holiday we all get off work to celebrate. God clearly has a sense of humor.
What God? Religion and I parted ways a decade ago. It was a painful breakup.
If God is laughing, many folks aren’t laughing.
maybe they don’t get it
I say that all the time. I remember when it was considered rude to speak socially about religion or to proselytize. Live and let live and MYOB I say. If everyone would just concentrate on bettering themselves and raising their children, we would all be better off.
If everyone would just concentrate on bettering themselves and raising their children, we would all be better off.
Seconded!
There is nothing Christ-like about these sicko “evangelicals”. There are many of these creeps serving as house and senator members. Their most recently exposed stunt is lobbying and funding a movement in the country of Uganda to execute homosexuals.
Yep…. there’s that family values and compassionate conservatism again.
They are sicko!
Especially the married gay, or bisexual, evangelical politicians. These folks aren’t playing with a full deck. And their crazy wives always stand by their man.
funding a movement in the country of Uganda to execute homosexuals.
Link please? Or are you talking out of your fourth point of contact?
Unlike many of us, she has taken her early religious vows seriously—and kept them faithfully throughout her life.
The only way she could have kept her religious vows faithfully is if Mrs. Miller never boinked her husband.
When she took the Carmelite habit she would have had to pledge to Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience. If there was a Mr. Miller, then there goes the Chastity part right out the window. And the Obedience part she flunked when she left the convent.
Looks like she’s doing alright by the Poverty pledge though.
And the Obedience part she flunked when she left the convent.
My recollection is that you can leave an order and still be OK regarding the Obedience part — the key distinction is one is obedient to the Church and its teachings, not the order itself.
The Chastity part does sound like a bit of a sticky wicket, however. I say good for her — I’ve known a couple of people who’ve left mainstream society to join an order (after a spouse died, in one case), but never the other way around.
It is possible that she never made it past the novitiate.
Also, Nuns and Monks take vows of CELIBACY, not chastity. Chastity is the avoidance of illicit sexual acts.
The Franciscan sisters who educated me always said it was chastity. Granted they are a different order and not cloistered as are the Carmelites, who likely are under many more prohibitions. The one Carmelite I know is in a Spanish convent, she has access to the internet only once or twice a month so she can keep in touch with her loved ones.
I think the author of this article may have meant to say that Mrs. Miller is a living witness to Christ’s teachings. Using Catholic lexicon may have muddied the waters a bit.
I also noticed that, and assumed she meant that her friend she kept to her commitment to “do the right thing” in the world.
It’s possible to be released from your commitment to the religious order, without “flunking out” or running away.
I was educated by Christian Brothers (not quite Catholic priests). For some it was a life long vocation, for others it was a multi-year commitment. However you could move on. In the middle ages -Brotherhood- was astepping out, getting back together period.
BTW most were wonderful people.
And what’s with this ‘carmelite’? If you’re gonna eat carmel, eat carmel. If you’re on a diet, don’t eat carmel.
A Christmas Story and a Separation of Church and State Debate For These Trouble Times
Good luck on your surgeries….
+100
“Christmas” gift for ahansen:
The Shortest Day
And so the Shortest Day came and the year died
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive.
And when the new year’s sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, revelling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us - listen!
All the long echoes, sing the same delight,
This Shortest Day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, feast, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And now so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Take care and all the best with your surgery.
A. Hansen,
Best of everything to you this season and we hope and pray for your success and healing with and after surgery.
Thanks for this and other messages, they were all well written and greatly appreciated!
cb
That was a beautiful post ahansen. I may be going into expensive/out-of-pocket treatment for alcohol/depression and could be homeless within 1-2 years, easy. No mas family.
Was, (homeless) for seven years, before, long time ago, (yesterday)?It can go “up”, or, it can go “down”, overnight… Harder at 54 than 39, I betcha…
I hope your surgery goes well ahansen. I often thought about you and what you endured. I know how tough you are, and you could probably kick Steps butt, and Step would agree with me too! You are a very high quality lady. For sure, “The Purdiest Lady I haven’t laid eyes on in my life!”
Your friend,
Greg
I may be going into expensive/out-of-pocket treatment for alcohol/depression and could be homeless within 1-2 years, easy. No mas family.
Yeah, and you’ll also have a nice “pre-existing condition” to disclose to any future health insurers. For which you have my utmost sympathy.
BTW, if you don’t disclose such a thing, the insurer can cancel your policy. Even if you were filling out the application right under your new boss’ nose and you don’t want him/her to find out about the past, which you’ve overcome, thanks to a lot of help from your friends.
Hence the young man with cancer (I think, might have been something else similarly expensive to treat) whose policy was cancelled because of an undisclosed case of jock itch which had been resolved with over-the-counter ointment. I think I mentioned this one on one of my insurance rants from last week. I didn’t make that one up the way I made up the tax avoidance scheme with armpit bacteria as dependents over the weekend. The insurance thing was in a news report.
Sigh. I’m not sure how much the tiny bit that is left of health care reform will help with pre-existing conditions. It is supposed to, but I’m just not sure if it actually will.
I heard of a worker who lost his insurance because of a pre-existing mental condition ! He voted for Obama. How’s that hope and change working out ? Huh ? Huh?
hehehehehe- Thanks for the laugh, pismo. I can always count on you.
I don’t have insurance. I am paying half of my life savings to go.
You are a brave man, ATE-UP. We wish you the best.
Get well, for your own sake, and for ours.
God Bless You Polly.
Best of luck to you. It’s worth it to spend 1/2 your life savings on saving your whole life. You can always make more money. Remember: We don’t choose how or when we will die, but we do decide how we will live.
Thank you crazy. It is a mess I made of my own fault. I appreciate your response.
Greg
Sorry to hear you are dealing with depression/alcoholism, but glad you have the means and the willingness to fight these demons, ATE-UP. I wish you a very successful recovery. Know that you’re friends at the HBB are cheering you on!
Best of luck, and please check in with us to let us know how you’re doing.
Oops…
“your” friends, not “you’re” friends (but you already knew that)
8up, please accept my empathy. For those who haven’t been touched by depression, there are no words to describe it. For those who have, words aren’t needed. I think you brave, and also resilient, for being able to reach out to your friends here. I would not have had the energy. Best to you. Let us know how you are doing.
PS, I agree with are they crazy. It took a long time to get there. It will take awhile to get back, but it’s doable, others have done it. I don’t get the roll of the dice. It really is possible to be a plain old hard working citizen, or student, or parent one day, and to be completely immobilized the next, whether by depression or by a random shooting or by a mauling.
That never figures into fairy tales. They should have warned us somehow when we were growing up. Then, if it happened to us, it would have felt like less of a betrayal. But the closest we get to it is the old mantra that life is not fair, deal with it. You can’t deal if you’ve got no cards.
Anyway, what I take out of it is that our knee jerk reaction in dealing with one another ought to be compassion. I find it hard to apply, personally. I can’t wrap my head around trying to apply it to people who I consider to be genuinely dangerous. Like the Iranian nuke president. Or Josef Stalin. Maybe we can make an exception in cases like that.
Ate-Up:
It’s been a suck year, hasn’t it? Am so sorry to hear you are dealing with so much, depression on top of addiction is a horrible combination and each just compounds the other. I hope the treatment is successful and everything you need.
And keep in mind you have friends and support and even possibly a very strange and VERY dysfunctional family here through this blog! Of course, there’s always the grumpy grandpa ready to make you feel like a failure no matter what you do, and the hollow-headed twit of a cousin who couldn’t tie their shoes without a map, but who still has a need to tell you how to do everything in your life. But there’s also the wise mother who gives great advice when you want and a swift kick in the pants when you need it. And the uncle who shares his wisdom and experience to help you avoid making the mistakes he made in his youth. And of course, the siblings who defend you publicly against all enemies (even as they occasionally torment you privately for their own amusements.)
So hang in there and know that 2010 WILL be a better year (because g-d it, it just has to be!) And we’re here cheering you on to recovery, health and a better life.
Most everyone on this special place, has been special to me. (Prof. B. excepted
Yep, sometimes there are disagreements
(Oly how ya spell…desgrements?)
Thank you San Diego RE Bear. I mean it. Sometimes, it is comments like Polly, and you, which mean the most.
Merry Christmas to All my Friends here! We’ll talk soon, I hope.
Greg
ATE-UP
Take care of yourself. My son went through a serious bout with depression a couple of years ago. We were lucky that he came through it ok. Oldest daughter’s dog helped him a lot. There are reasons that I will do about anything for that mutt.
Thanks wolfgirl, and I believe you about the lil’ mutt. Your son made it though, and that’s what is really neat. Good for you as Mom and good for him. It is darkness.
There is so much darkness in the world. Sometimes it is overwhelming. Just remember that there are people who care about you.
You can do it ATE-UP .
Good luck ATE-UP. I see this going on in a young manager of mine. The worst is to come for him because of his responsibility and clearance. My own father had a drinking deal. I can see it’s a powerful addiction. Stay tough.
My dear Ate-Up,
Just remember you are not alone. You have many friends and support on this blog (count me as one). My thoughts and prayers are with you my man. I wish nothing but the best for you.
Merry Christmas Ate-Up and best wishes.
All the best to you, ATE-UP. We look forward to having you back in our midst.
wolfgirl …interesting u-tube
http://www.you tube.com/watch?v=BGODurRFVv4
I did the u-tube wrong again …..darn . It was a tape about a dog
“No mas family.”
Ya got us, ATE. We ain’t much, but we’ll verbally abuse you, and that’s a lot like family. Seriously, stay in touch, we’re here for ya. If worse comes to worse, you can always sleep in my garage. And you never know, Olygal may come back one fine day…
Ate-up,
You get better man, I need a good lawyer here in the army. I’ll get you set up for airborne school and everything!
Joking aside..
Get better man…
My step-father died smoking crack, we have lost enough people to that disease…
Good luck with the surgery. I think we all know that if you can survive a bear attack, a doctor should be no threat to you.
Yes, but what abou tthat most dangerous of creatures, Dr. Bear?!?!
Dang it, woman. Your writing makes me all teary-eyed.
Best wishes on your surgery and recovery. Peace and love to you.
Great blog-entry, Ahansen…
We’ll be thinking of you; best wishes for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.
Remember,Guns don’t Kill people, Doctors do.
everything is a gift.
She told me her blessed ones had been so worried about me after hearing of the bear attack, that they got together and took up a collection. For ME! And that these dear desperate, appallingly-deprived people had been praying for me, the godless humanist, and for my swift recovery.
Yes and what a miraculous gift bestowed by these individuals compelled by their private morality.
Ain’t that the truth.
Made a mistake : Guns don’t kill people, government and doctors do. Finally got it right.
ahansen,
I, too, wish you the best with your upcoming surgery.
Life is indeed a struggle for many of us. I’ve had quite a bit of sadness in my life. Likewise, I’m sure there’s many posters here who have had more than their share of sadness. Life IS unfair and we all know it.
I recently had a long conversation with a neighbor. After hearing her life story, I feel very blessed. I’ve endured quite a bit of pain in my life, but nothing like the pain she has endured. Nothing!
I think you have a good network of family and friends and that’s very important. I do hope they can boost your spirits when they are low.
On this Web site, we talk about real estate. But in the scheme of things owning a house, whether a small bungalow or a big mansion, is really a non-issue in life. There’s so many things in life that are much more important.
Good luck to you.
Well said, Zachary.
WOW!
Damn it girl, you swing for the fence nearly every time!
(Hwy notes that the next shooting star he spots, his wish will be for a “certain person” to be offered a “paid job” ….writing!)
All the Best ahansen, Hwy
“Our local school board had her removed for teaching the children “Satan worship”; ancient myths apparently threatening the evangelical mythology of the local board members.”
That’s ridiculous. Over and over again I read these stories where people feel that their religion is threatened and go to extremes to eradicate anything that they think does so. More importantly is that these people somehow get away with it because its very clearly written in the first amendment that we’re not supposed to recognize any particular religion over others and secondly religion plays no role in government. Yet many evangelical Christians constantly try to pretend that Christian morals are what guides the country and we are a distinctly Christian country.
It seems that the further we march into the future, the more shrill these people become.
Its because down deep they know their god and beliefs are a pack of lies that can’t withstand any questioning. Otherwise, why would they try to force their beliefs on others?
I guess the evangelicals are sensing the renewed uprising in ancient faiths. Why just the other day I popped into the reformed church of Odin for a quick prayer.
My allegiance is to Loki. I know he likes to play with my mind, so I’m not surprised when he does.
“clearly written in the first amendment that we’re not supposed to recognize any particular religion over others”
Yes, to prevent the state from making one church the only one allowed and give it state backed powers. Not to prevent recognition of religion, or of the beliefs of the people.
What are “the beliefs of the people”?
AHansen,
Thank you for the post this time of year and I pray for a speedy recovery for you.
My wife and I feel extremely lucky this time of year to be renters with cash in the bank. I don’t think there is a better time (or will ever be) in my life (44 years old) to be a renter. My wife and I were able to make an anoymous donation of a few hundred dollars to a family that is down on their luck and are struggling to make ends meet.
This is a family in a modest home with a modest lifestyle. They have great kids who are more deserving than my own is some ways of Christmas. Christmas will be more meaningful this year for both of our families.
I remember reading last year in a posted article that quoted someone saying that Christmas was cancelled since they didn’t have any money since the house had decpreciated. I appreciate (and remember) the comments on this blog of reminding us all that Christmas is not about material things, but what we do with our friends and family.
I too feel rather fortunate to be a renter and frugal at the same time. I got laid off 3 months ago. My wife will works at a pretty good job and we’re not hurting for cash since we’re- as mentioned- frugal with our money. We’re fortunate that even though we rent a nice house that the landlord could charge a lot more for, he doesn’t raise the rent. Even though I’ve been laid off I’ve still saved money. I’ve cut down on eating out and stuff. But alltogether I’m taking it in stride. I start a new job next month so I have a tad more free time to catch up on all the stuff I should’ve gotten fixed by now.
Congratulations on your new job, jetson_boy!
Another wonderful and thought-provoking post. Thank you so much! It’s humbling to recognize real problems over my own self-pity that life isn’t exactly the way I want it. No matter how devastating the past year has been personally, nothing I went through compares to what these people go through everyday. And the little I do in volunteer work is shamed at the work this couple does for others. Sometimes it takes reminders like this to realize how rich we really are - all of us have computers or access to computers if nothing else and that does make us well off!
Hopefully each of us can take something from this post and give just one extra thing this holiday season. Maybe an extra volunteer shift? Maybe visiting wounded vets at the VA center closest to you or writing a letter to the troops letting them know the people back home care about them? How about helping an elderly neighbor go shopping or babysitting for a single parent so she/he can get a little personal time? Maybe placing a few extra dollars in the red can or giving up one gift and having that amount go to Toys for Tots? Or buying a few pizzas and passing them out to the homeless?
And, of course, sending your best healing energies to a classy lady who has survived hell - even if you don’t always agree with her politics or viewpoints.
After all, this blog would be a lot blander without her. Take care of yourself Allena and let us know how you are doing. And call or e-mail if you need anything!
Of course Ahansen your post was again warm and sincere. We all have our stories here don’t we? Thank you for reminding me not to feel sorry for myself all my trials & tribulations over the last few years. I’ll be sending off some of that loose cash to Mrs. Miller. Some really do walk the walk.
Good luck with your surgery and have a great holiday.
OK Hansen, I will pitch in for Mrs. Miller.
Come back from your surgery as zesty as ever.
Allena, I wish you the best with your surgery.
I don’t know what your goals are, but I’d love to read a bunch of mini-memoirs from you. Would you think about writing something like that? Has anyone done that, just a bunch of random life short stories?
Best Wishes to you and a very fast recovery.Your writing is always thought provoking.
Just as you say, you never know when it could happen to ‘you’.
It happened to someone very close to me many yrs ago.
Pride kept her from
calling me and asking for some assistance.
Best wishes as well ahansen.
I’ve been there, but for different reasons. Yes, it can happen to anyone. In the blink of an eye.
It’s one of the reason that although J6Ps don’t often make the smartest decisions, and I often shake my head in disgust, I argue for them. One major catastrophe in your life and it can be a long time before you ever recover.
Amen, eco.
ahansen,
That was one heart filled post. Thank you for posting this.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas and hopefully a fast recovery from your operation.
Please take good care of yourself.
Nice post . Your writing caused me to think about people that I have known in my life that will give you the shirt off their back when they are hardly well off enough to be so generous . Than you compare that to the greedy pigs that created the meltdown and still are greedy in spite of knowing
people are suffering because of their acts .
I once saw a special that was talking about how a lot of those Fat Cats
hire psychologist to tell them they are good and they deserve what they have . I guess money can even
buy a hired gun that will tell you your good when your a piece of shit.
ahansen ….I forgot to say good luck with your surgery and I hope you can still have a great Holiday season . You have been through a lot with these bear injuries . Peace be with you .
Good luck with everything, ahansen. I’ll be thinking of you. I, too, have had my face ripped off (degloved, they call it)- in a car wreck, (not quite as horrific as a bear attack). It’s amazing how much better it will heal, given a few years, and even more, a few years after that. Keep the (humanistic) faith and take care of yourself. I look forward to further posts.
ahansen,
Thank you for sharing that touching story. Powerful forces at work there girl and I am glad, though not surprised, that you were able to reflect on the gift and extract the personal gold from it. I hope your entire recovery, surgery and cathartic experiences proceed for you at a pace and intensity that is just right for you. I’ll be pitching in something for Mrs. Miller as well. I think that we all are at risk of crashing to the bottom at some points in our lives and it is the Angels like Mrs. Miller who show us that even the lowliest deserve a break. But maybe more importantly, by her actions of kindness she showed others how to be an angelic being. They proved it by the gift sent to you. You prove it each time you put pen to paper.
Merry Christmas to all,
oc-ed
Sorry for your troubles. Many years ago, I was essentially unable to work due to an eye condition that threatened to blind me and for which I had to see the doctor every 4 weeks. I lived off my savings, had no disability and picked up 100% of the cost of my own very high health insurance.
I know exactly how you can wind up on the street although thankfully I dodged that bullet.
Stay strong.
ahansen,
Thank you for another thought-provoking post.
A number of years ago, my sister was homeless — a result of drug and alcohol addiction mixed with depression…and all that entails. She ended up passing away as a result of her afflictions, and one thing I realized about her circle of downtrodden friends is that they all gave everything they had to help one another. They deeply cared for one another, and shared what little they had with each other. The level of compassion and sharing was far beyond anything I’ve ever witnessed when I worked with some very, very wealthy people. Just sayin’…
My heart goes out to your friends and those they help on the streets. We will also send a donation their way.
Best of luck on your surgery, ahansen. Hope your recovery goes well, and that you are able to enjoy the holiday season with cherished friends and family.
Thank you for your excellent posts.
ahansen,
Any way we could send payment to someone a little more specific/with more specific address or PayPal?
CA.
If you would like to write to me off-blog, I can give you more specifics. I am at dvsntt at the first letters of “business network internet services dot net.” Please put HBB in the subject line? Thanks.
ahansen ….I’m glad that bear didn’t get your mind ……
I’ve always thought it wierd how much in-depth teaching we do for the ancient Egyptians.
All their monuments were built by slaves while the riches got buried with dead kings. Sure they did some valuable things too, but they were around for hundreds of years. That’s to be expected.
Everybody gets their rocks off hating on Southerners and their slaves but wows about what the Egyptians did with theirs. Both cultures and their pasts should be reviled.
To judge history by our standards and mores is to invite misunderstanding and misinterpretation. Equality and tolerance are modern ideas. They were radical ideas 200 years ago. Revolutions were started and nations toppled by those ideas and ideals.
Taking your advice we’d revile the Greeks, Chinese, Romans, Scandinavians, Mongols, British, Arabs, Spanish, Indians, Zulus, Aztecs, and virtually every other great society through most of history. Slavery, brutality, class and race segregation, monarchic/despotic rulership, and all those other politically unacceptable ideas of today were hallmarks of these societies. To say those acts are unacceptable today is absolutely right. To not study these great societies or belittle the meaning of their contributions is wrong.
The South is judged harshly on slavery because by 1860 great European nations had ceased to publicly allow for slavery, yet the South thrived with it. Also, the prejudice shown toward blacks in the South was highlighted for more than 100 years after the emancipation and became the way the South was judged. The South did few things that had not been done for thousands of years before by all great powers. The Southern slave holders were caught out as the last ones doing a highly unpopular and ultimately unsavory thing.
Well-stated, Backstage. Also ignored in the conversation is the fact that West African tribal interests supplied the slaves to European traders bound for the Eastern Seaboard. Black Americans owned slaves, as did various native American tribes, most notably the Cherokee. And slavery exists today in everywhere from Dubai to Manhattan–perhaps not institutionally, but certainly in fact.