“An Investment Opportunity With Sleepover Possibilities”
The New York Observer. “In 2005, Wall Street investment houses handed out a record $21.5 billion in year-end bonuses, according to the State Comptroller. This year may be even bigger. A very healthy bonus season means a very healthy Manhattan home-sales season in the spring, right?”
“Not really. While bonuses can pump up springtime prices, the effect on the volume of sales is more Wizard of Oz than Master of the Universe.”
“In the first six months of 2003 and 2004, despite widely varied bonuses the years before ($8.6 billion in 2002 versus $15.8 billion in 2003), the number of sales floated around 4,070, according to Miller Samuel. From the first half of 2005 through the first half of 2006, sales dropped by 270—despite 2005 being a record year for Wall Street bonuses, nearly $3 billion above the 2004 total.”
“‘If you take away our bonuses, our marketplace could be something like Miami or California, where they’re seeing a great deal of price depreciation,’ said Christopher Mathieson, the managing partner at luxury boutique JC DeNiro & Associates.”
From Vanity Fair. “This new architectural catwalk of ‘high-design,’ ‘high-concept,’ and ‘high-priced’ condo buildings doesn’t only fail to fit the vernacular of New York, it looks like a clearance sale from Europe and the Middle East.”
“‘Real estate is being marketed like fashion,’ an excitable young bedroom broker to the rich and famous told me in the back of his stretch limo. ‘Architects are the new couturiers.’”
“It’s a strange and lonely calling, that of the lifestyle salespeople for New New York. They wander the empty corridors like the friendly undead. All the undead Realtors are desperate for you to know the oddest things. They all begin with the ceiling height.”
“Salespeople haunt the empty apartment, spinning a life made of brushed steel and 12 shades of Indian marble. After a time, the repetition of this lifestyle blends all the apartments into one apartment. They all have minute, $100,000 kitchens that no one will ever toast more than a bagel in, which is just as well because there’s nowhere to sit and eat anyway.”
“There’s an overriding sense of impermanence. This is a fashion choice. No one will buy one of these gloomy spaces and say, ‘I want to have kids here. I want to grow old and die here.’ This is simply an investment opportunity with sleepover possibilities.”
“Whatever these New New York lifestyle brokers tell you about the sales and occupancy of these buildings, they’re lying. They want you to get aboard this vertical trailer park because they want you to have a cool, imported, classy, unique lifestyle.”
“All the salespeople believe the brochure. In truth, there is a swamp of unsold apartments. I’m told that many of the ones that are spoken for are speculative investments. They’ll stay empty for long weekends, through the summer and ski seasons. These blocks are constructed to be ghost towns echoing with the hum of unappreciated climate control.”
“Their gyms will have Fox News silently terrifying the unexercised machines. Their entrance halls, with their slinky, ergonomic space, will doze as the elevators wink.”
“This building boom isn’t a great expression of design and architectural excellence. It’s a massive speculation to relieve bankers of their bonuses, and bankers’ money is sterile. It buys peace and quiet and second-rate ideas.”
“New York is a city that was built out of risk and danger, with much more poverty and failure than riches and success. Fund managers kill the thing they crave. They want to buy their way into excitement and that old promise of the New York vista, but they drive it out and make it extinct.”
“The final, unpalatable, zero-tolerance truth is that hedge-fund managers, bankers, cynical architects, and insecurity-exploiting designers are far more damaging to the unstylized life of a city than all the junkies, prostitutes, panhandlers, urban cowboys, bag ladies, homeless, and graffiti kids they replace.”